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“Why do you need a therapist?”: How to talk about therapy with loved ones and protect your boundaries
Imagine: you walk out of a session with your psychologist feeling a sense of relief and clarity. But at home, your partner greets you with: “So, were you complaining about me again?” or your mother sighs: “You should have spent that money on groceries instead.” Sound familiar? According to various studies, many people seeking psychological help face misunderstanding or judgment from those closest to them.
This article is your practical guide to protecting your personal boundaries. You will gain specific tools to help you respond to criticism with confidence and calm, without destroying your relationships or sacrificing your self-care.
What you will find in this article:
- Three levels of transparency: how to decide how much to share.
- Ready-to-use scripts for talking to parents, partners, and friends.
- A clear safety plan in case criticism turns aggressive.
- A list of resources and contacts for emergency assistance.
Why do loved ones criticize therapy?
Criticism is rarely directed at you personally. Most often, it is driven by the other person's fears, stereotypes, or personal insecurities:
- Stereotypes and fear. Common myths suggest that only “weak” or “mentally ill” people see psychologists, or that a specialist might “teach you bad things” or break up the family.
- Hidden guilt. Your decision to see a professional may be perceived as a reproach: “I must be a bad parent/partner if you need professional help.”
- Resistance to change. In therapy, you learn to assert boundaries, say “no,” and prioritize your needs. This can disrupt the established family dynamic that was convenient for others.
How to respond to criticism: three steps to protecting boundaries
Your main goal is not to convince the other person, but to protect your right to care for yourself. You are not obligated to report or justify your actions.
Step 1. Define your goal
Before responding, ask yourself: “What do I want to achieve in this conversation?” Often, the best strategy is not to engage in a long discussion, but to calmly end the dialogue and preserve your energy.
Step 2. Choose your level of openness
You decide how much information to disclose. It is important to remember confidentiality: you should not feel pressured to share specific details of your sessions. This is the foundation of trust between you and your therapist.
- Closed response (for intrusive or public situations):
- “That’s a personal matter, and I’m not ready to discuss it.”
- Neutral response (a universal option):
- “It helps me manage stress better and understand myself.”
- Semi-open response (for trusted loved ones):
- “I'm learning how to build better relationships with my colleagues” or “We are working on my anxiety.”
Step 3. Set a boundary using an “I-statement”
Calmly and firmly state your position. Speak about your feelings rather than the other person's mistakes.
- “It upsets me when you invalidate a process that is important to me. Please, let's change the subject.”
- “I appreciate your concern, but this is my decision. I ask you to respect it.”
Ready-to-use scripts: how to navigate the dialogue
Scenario 1: A parent dismisses your choice (condescending tone)
- Parent: “Back to your ‘shrink’ again? In my day, we managed on our own and turned out fine.”
- You: “Mom, I understand your experience was different. But this is important to me. It helps me feel better.”
- Parent: “You’d be better off doing something productive instead of suffering from this nonsense.”
- You: “I hear your opinion, but I’m going to keep going. Let's not discuss this anymore, okay?”
Scenario 2: A partner fears that therapy will change you (intrusive tone)
- Partner: “What are you telling them about me? Is the psychologist turning you against me?”
- You: “The content of the sessions is confidential. I only talk about my own feelings and experiences, not about you. The therapist is bound by confidentiality, except in rare cases like a direct threat to life or child abuse, which they disclose upfront. My goal is to become a better version of myself for me and for us.”
- Partner: “But I'm worried you'll change and we'll drift apart.”
- You: “I value our relationship too. That’s exactly why I’m working on myself. Let’s agree: I won’t share session details, but we can openly discuss our relationship here and now.”
Scenario 3: A friend offers a “simple” solution (aggressively friendly tone)
- Friend: “Stop wasting time with that psychologist. Let's just hit the bar—that’s all the therapy you need!”
- You: “Thanks for the offer, but for me, those aren't the same thing. Psychotherapy is my way of taking care of myself.”
- Friend: “Come on, you're not weak, you can handle it yourself.”
- You: “To me, caring for my mental health is about strength, not weakness. I ask you not to dismiss my choice.”
Professional psychological communities, such as the American Psychological Association (APA), emphasize that setting healthy boundaries is not selfish, but a fundamental component of mental well-being and the foundation of healthy relationships.
Safety plan: what to do in case of aggression and threats
If criticism escalates into manipulation (“If you don't quit, I will…”), insults, or threats, your primary task is to ensure your safety.
It is especially important to have a plan if you live with an aggressor or are financially dependent on them. In such cases, direct confrontation can be dangerous. Focus on discreet preparation: find contact info for crisis centers in advance, gather important documents, and plan a safe exit strategy before announcing your boundaries.
- End the conversation. Say calmly and firmly: “I will not continue talking in this tone,” and leave the room or hang up. Avoid escalating the argument if possible.
- Ensure physical safety. If you feel threatened, leave the premises. Think in advance about where you can go (friends, relatives, a crisis center).
- Document aggression. Save screenshots of threatening or insulting messages.
- Note: Laws regarding recording conversations without consent vary by jurisdiction. Ensure your actions are legal before making audio recordings.
- Discuss a plan with your therapist. A professional can help you develop a behavioral strategy and suggest where to turn for support. It may be necessary to temporarily limit or completely cut off contact with the aggressor.
When to contact the police or a crisis center?
Seek help immediately if you encounter:
- Direct threats of physical harm to you or your loved ones.
- Physical violence of any kind.
- Systematic harassment (stalking).
Where to turn for help
Please verify the current status of contacts at the time of your call.
- EMERCOM of Russia Emergency Psychological Assistance: +7 (495) 989-50-50 (24/7, anonymous).
- “Anna” All-Russian National Helpline for Women Subject to Domestic Violence: 8 (800) 7000-600 (free, anonymous).
- Crisis centers in your city: Look up local organizations providing temporary shelter and legal assistance.
When should you consider couples or family therapy?
If you notice that conflicts surrounding your personal therapy constantly arise with a partner or within the family, it may be a sign of a systemic issue. Sometimes individual work is not enough. Discuss the possibility of couples or family sessions with your psychologist. This can help establish communication and work through shared problems in a safe space.
The bottom line — take action
The reaction of others can be a serious test, but it is not a reason to abandon your path to self-discovery. Protecting boundaries is a skill that requires practice.
Your immediate plan:
- Start small. Choose one or two phrases from this article that resonate with you most. Rehearse them mentally so you feel more confident when the moment arises.
- Discuss it with your therapist. Tell your specialist about your fears and role-play potential dialogues with loved ones during your next session.
- Take care of yourself. Remember that your mental well-being is your priority. You have every right to protect it.
Boundary protection phrase checklist:
- “That is a personal matter.”
- “I appreciate your concern, but I will decide for myself.”
- “I'm uncomfortable with this conversation; let's change the subject.”
- “I ask you to respect my choice.”
- “This helps me feel better.”